She raises her tone of voice when she explains her dilemma as if she is puzzled by what she says she wants. She is looking for meaning in her life.
“What is meaningful to you?”
“I find meaning in everything I do for myself“
“And you said earlier you want to leave a more visible trace for others to appreciate, and yet you find meaning in everything you do for yourself”
Sometimes it is hard not to choose a side of you and live with paradoxical alternatives, without choosing one.
***
“It seems to me all the things you are looking for to give meaning to you are acts, deeds, and things, and at the same time you are looking for a state of being“
“Indeed”
“Who needs to see you how you are for you to get the meaning you are looking for?”
“A man, a life partner.”
Sometimes we replace being available for another with a search for meaningful doing.
Sometimes we have to delegate all the doing to get a sense of being.
Sometimes we replace the other missing gender in our lives with material stuff, and then we find ourselves too burdened to accept one when one appears.
***
Funny thing, my final question would be
“What do you need to do to be how you want to be…?”
